“This is my new child, Bayden Bames, and Kevin

can’t take this one!” - Britney Spears on her

 newly acquired mustachio’d youngster

“My finger smells like chicken…or wait, maybe

it’s tuna?”- crooked mustached girl 

“Pardon me while I get into character.”

- completely offensive man with tiny mustache 

“It’s completely normal if you aren’t sure who the baby’s

daddy is, right?” - cleverly mustached pregnant woman

“Marc Anthony is like one of those little dogs

that are soooo ugly that they’re cute. I think

that’s why she married him.” - spicy, latino

woman with a suave stache

 ”Cameron Diaz and Jude Law? Did he mention me…

I mean her. Cause like I’m sure Cameron would like

totally leave Justin for Jude. Like serious.” - Sexy,

“A little pot, some prescription pills and

doing over 100mph? It’s not like that’s

gonna stop him from running for

president or anything.” - clearly stoned

kid with stache

“Quick, someone wipe these Cheetos off my lip!

There are paparazzi everywhere.” - chunky,

former Pop Diva

“What are you talking about? I totally thought

Tobey played a believable badass in Spider-man

3 when he had the symbiote suit on. Didn’t you

see the way his hair was all messy?”

- completely clueless man with mustache

“I bet he let her do that silly Spice Girl Reunion

thing just so she can start spending her OWN

money again.” - ridiculously good looking man

with an incredibly flattering mustache